I love a well-written personal grievances post. This one—about phrases the author doesn’t like—is bound to become a classic of the genre.

I have never read the words “friendly reminder” and not imagined that person seething, incandescent, smoke blowing out of their ears like a hot kettle, just absolutely furious. I simply don’t believe you. I do not think that you think we are friends or that this interaction is friendly. If you want to fight, we can fight.